So, Whaddaya Gonna Do?

PART 2 of 6

Hey!  So I been dumped by a chick what screwed me good.  I did that plenty a times ta them.  It’s all in the game.  I been around a lot ta figure that one out.  Hey, I bounce back, no complaints.  Know what I mean?  

I’m a Yankee fan, an’ look what happen’d ta them.  They come back.  Like me.  I ain’t goin’ nowhere.  That’s the breaks.  I can take it pretty good.  See that scar on my chin?  I went down ta the count a one.  So what!  I get up.  So whaddaya gonna do?  I been aroun'.  Didn’ take it personal.  It happens ta the best a us.  Believe me when I tell ya, I’m the best.  If it coulddah happen ta me, it coulddah happen ta anyone.  So whaddaya gonna do?

Like I been tellin’ ya, me an’ Ellie split, afta she almos’ try ta kill me.  So, I end up at Bellevue Hospital. 

Bellevue Hospital

The rest did me good.  Give me a little space from Tessa an’ the kids.  Ya think I go home with my tail between my legs?  Ya think I care?  Ya think I’m gonna let that bother me?  Hey, I made it.  I beat the odds.  I walked outta the joint;  I wasn’t carried out in a box, waitin’ fer no eulogy.  An’ another thing, no dames gonna call a time-out on me.  Grass don’ grow under my feet; I’m ready fer a little action again.

So what if I come home from the hospital a little hung over.  Hell, I’m human.  The doc tells me, I gotta take it easy fer at least a week.  “Relax,” he says.  Is he kiddin’?  He don’ know much about me.  I coulddah tol’ him.  Never happen.  Never learned how ta do that.  So whaddaya gonna do?  I sit aroun’ fer a day, by evenin’ I’m goin’ outta my mind.  The kids are whinin’ an’ I’m not a stay-at home guy.

Afta two days a that, I’m getting’ ready fer the loony bin.  Tessa is busy cookin’ up a storm, so I could get my strength back.  I never lost it.  What does she know?  With all the sittin’ around, I’m beginnin’ ta feel depressed.  So I finish lookin’ at the stats of all the ball teams, an’ I go over ta the computer, jus’ to fool aroun’.  So, whaddaya gonna do?

I know how ta use a computer good.  Use ta play alotta games on it.  'Course, I done a little of that online stuff.  Cyber they call it.  Ya have a little fun with a broad, turn her on an’ get a few laughs from it.  So I figure since I got the time, got nothin’ else ta do, maybe I’ll play aroun’ an’ try to hook up wit a filly.  Hey, I could use a few laughs.  Know what I mean?

So, I start clickin’ away.  I’m busy watchin’ the monitor when I see a name what inerests me.  Now I’m getting’ pretty excited.  The name’s Bambi.”  What kinda name is that? I’m thinkin’.  Might as well fin’ out. 

Don’t cost nothin’ ta do that.  I make myself real comfortable in my chair, ready ta see whose comin’ down the road, bringin’ a little action my way.  It ain’ the kind I’m use ta, but, Hey! whaddaya gonna do?

I instant message her.  Know anythin' about that?  I type in, “Hi Ya.”  Nothin’ fancy.  In a second I get a response.  Like it’s a real person there.  Hey, I’m lookin’ at a monitor, an’ I’m clickin’ a mouse.  Who's the guy what thought that one up? 

She answers, “Hello.”

Brilliant, right?  Gotta be real sharp wit my reply.  But, Hey!  I don’ want her to go away.  Gotta think fast wit a smart come-back; somethin’ funny, I figure;  somethin’ to make her feel like I know what I’m doin’.  I’m smooth, right?

All the time my mind’s racin’ to come up wit somethin’ amusin’.  When was the last time I use a good line on a dame? I sit wonderin'.  Goin’ with Ellie so long, I didn’ have to be charmin; ‘specially not afta ya catch the broad.  Know what I mean?”  Ya stop tryin’ an’ then she don’ expect it no more.  It kinda starts ta get borin’ an’ maybe the excitement stops a little;  but, hey!  The fun’s in the chasin’ ~ not the catchin’.  Guys like that.  Chasin’  I mean.  That’s why they're always lookin’.  Chicks don’ understan’ that.  Whaddaya gonna do?  Ya think it’s easy bein’ a guy?  Guys like hangin’ out together.  Paisanos.  Capisce?

Finally figure out what I’m gonna say.  I’ll pull a fast one like, “I bet you’re cute.”  That one always worked fer me before.  Immediately she says, “Bet you’re pretty cute yourself.”  Just like that.  Hey, this gal’s got class. Right away I could tell.  I’m getting’ real inerested, an’ I know I’m gonna have some fun wit her.  My kinda chick.  Now if the kids will leave me alone an’ stop whinin’, I’m gonna settle down an’ spen’ the rest a the time snowin’ her big time.

But the kids won’ leave me be, so I gotta sign off, but not before invitin’ her inta a chat room later on.  Geez, my kinda day.  She’s gonna do it.  So, I play wit the kids a little, an’ finally convince Tessa ta take them ta the picture show, which ain’ hard ta do at all.  My Tessa she loves the movies, and I give her plenty a bills to blow on popcorn, candy, an’ soda.  She’s dressed before I can take the twenty spot from my trousers.

My timin’s still good.  Tessa leaves wit the kids an’ I make a b-line fer the computer, an’ sign on.  I wait an’ wait to instant message Bambi, and whaddaya know.  The bimbo stood me up.  Me!  Stan the Man. 

Never happen before but I laugh an’ think there’s gotta be a first time.  This is gonna be a two-time deal, first an’ last time.  Know what I mean?  But, I don’ give up so easy an’ I hang aroun’.  There’s plenty more fish in the sea where she come from.

Sure enough her name comes up on the monitor,  seems like her mouse froze.  Seems funny, don’ it?  A mouse which could freeze?  Geez, never had that happen to me.  So, she an’ me go into a private chat room, an’ we pick up where we left off.  In no time she tells me she’s an exotic dancer.  Do I know how to pick 'em or what?  With a name like Bambi, how could ya miss?

We spen' the nex’ half hour gettin’ acquainted really good.  She ain’ married, got no kids, been livin’ here about two years.  Jus’ my speed.  I ask fer her phone number, an’ she kinda acts shy which don’ last long an’ bingo!  She gives it to me without me even hardly tryin’.  Guess I still got miles left on givin’ a chick a line.  Whaddaya gonna do?

I start to sweet talk her, an’ wind up invitin’ her fer a burger and beer at Joe’s Pub.  She says OK.  I’m real excited now cause this is gonna be easy pickin’.  My kinda bimbo.

By this time, I ain’ feelin’ no pain.  I’m real happy when we click off.  I go out ta Charlie’s Shoe Shine Stand an’ get a shine.  Gotta look nice fer the broad.  First impressions count, know what I mean?  I got plans fer us if this works out.  Figure an exotic dancer got moves I don’ know about.  This I gotta see.  Wait till I tell the guys.  They’ll eat their hearts out.  Vinnie never did understan’ how a classy chick like Ellie fell fer someone like me.  I got charisma, that’s like charmin’.  Know what I mean?

I call Vinnie on my way ta the pub.  When I get there, the guys are stretched out on Joe’s bar, waitin’ fer the action ta begin.  Me, I’m adjustin’ my tie, an’ slickin’ my hair.  Gotta look good.  In walks the chick.  Don’ look like no Bambi ta me, more like blimpie.  Mamma mia!  She was some gigunda broad.  The guys start whistlin’, makin’ funny noises, an’ I sit like I been shot in the foot.  Don’ blame the guys fer carrin’ on.  Hey!  Whaddaya gonna do?

Bambi

Polite-like, I make my move and say, “Ya must be Bambi.”  Right away I see she got the hots fer me.  I shake her hand, which is biggerin’ mine.  But I’m cool.  I say, “Bambi, I got good news and bad news. Which ya wan’ first?”  

Right away she grabs my sweaty palm, looks into my blue ones an’ says, “Gimme the good news.”  "Well," I say, “Seems like the guy you was gonna meet got inta an accident.  It’s good news ‘cause he ain’ dead.  So he invited all his friends here ta meet ya an' anyone a them be glad ta invite ya fer a burger.”

The guys at the bar sit straight up when they hear this.  Right away they start makin’ their way ta the door.  But Vinnie didn’ get there fast enough.  So I call him ova ta meet Bambi an’ I’m thinkin’ it could maybe work out OK.  I introduce them an she grabs onta Vinnie like she’s never gonna let go.  Vinnie he jus’ looks me in my good eye, an’ I say, “Vinnie, this here is Bambi;  she’s an exotic dancer. Buy her the biggest burger in the joint;  She’s a class act.” 

Vinnie, he ain’ takin’ his glass eye offa me, an’ I figure I gotta remin’ him of a couple a things so he’ll know where I’m comin’ from.

So I say, “Ya remember when we went ta the show at the Shubert Theatre an’ ya walked outta there before the show was finished?  An’ remember what happen ta me after that?  Like Bellevue Hospital?  An’ since you isn’ the guy all hooked up ta machines, is that how come ya already fergot?  An’remember when I grabbed yer arm and tol’ ya you would owe me big time?  Well…meet Bambi.  Size-wise she’s bigger than the biggest time ya ever gonna get, compliments a Stan the Man-who by the way, didn’ come down wit yesterday’s rain, know what I mean? 

Paybacks are hell…So whaddaya gonna do?”