IT Could Happen!

PART 5 OF 6

Hi, I'm Tessa.  So I married Stan-the-Man, a creep what thinks he's God's gift ta women.  A real classy guy.  Know what I mean?  His shoes have a shine an' he wears a boutonniere, that's a flower, in his lapel.  But I know that.  I got brains. How ya gonna know?  My husband the jerk thinks he's snowin' me with all the dolls he chases.  I start gettin' suspicious, so I hire a P.I. a private investigator what's trailin' him good.  Whatta laugh, but  a course I ain' wrong.  But it could happen.  I didn' get up wit yesterday's rain.  I been aroun'.  Know what I mean?

I'm takin' my time, playin' it cool, playin' it safe.  I got plans.  Big plans, what he don' know about.  I dream about 'em each night.  Like me goin' ta Mexico with the kids, far away from here where the jerk can' fin' me.  Who needs him?  Take the moola and run, and I am.  I'm outta here, like yesterday.

Gonna fin' a place a my own almos' paid fer-lock, stock, an' barrel.  I'm stashin' away money an' my ol' man ain' wise enough ta suspect.  Like I say, the guy's a gumba.  I got two kids.  One of 'em ain' his.  He don' know the difference.  He thinks the kid looks jus' like him.  What is he, blind?  Vinnie, yea Vinnie-the-Vonce his bes' frien', is the Daddy-O.  Looks jus' like him, an' my brillian' husband walks aroun' like he has blinders on.  It could happen.

I was woikin' in the Five and Dime when we meet.  I'm behin' the counter countin' change when Stan-the-Man stops ta ask me the time.  I know he's tryin' ta make out wit me.  It could happen.  I check him ova good.  Not bad ta look at, seems like a real gent.  But hey, how ya gonna know?  We pass the time a day, an' nex' thing I know he's askin' me out.

We pal aroun' durin' which I'm also seein' alotta this here other guy Vinnie-the-Vonce, on the weekends.  Well, one thing leads ta another wit Vinnie, an nex' thin' ya know I'm slightly pregnant.  Not that ya could notice it, but it's there.  I win' up tellin' Vinnie it's his;  he ain' too happy about it.  So I tell him not ta worry.  I'll take care a it.  No problem.  I pack up my stuff an' walk outta his life an' don' look back.  It could happen.

Now I also been seein' alotta Stan-the-Man durin' the week.  It's kinda hard decidin' which chump is the guy which done the job on me.  Since Vinnie gimme the brush, I figure if I make the right moves, an' the calendar don' lie, either way I maybe got a father fer the kid afta all.  I give it my bes' shot, an' start givin' Stan plenty a action.

In no time at all, I got this guy eatin' outta the palm a my hand.  He tells me all he thinks about is me.  I'm woikin' my points pretty good.  This guy's  a push-over, I'm thinkin'.  But, I don' figure right.  He don' wanna get hitched.  He wants us ta live together.  It could happen.

Now I remember my Mamma tol' me never ta do that.  Once ya leave your barn door open, an' ya  been aroun' too long, no guy wan's someone which everybody has touched the merchandise.  I remember her words good.  It could happen.  She smacked me ova the head enough times fer me never ta ferget.  How many lumps da ya wanna see?  Ya gotta problem wit that?

So, I win' up tellin' Stan that livin' together stuff ain' fer me.  'Course he ain' too happy about that, but whaddaya gonna do?  He knows he can' convince me, 'cause I tol' him about leavin' the barn doors open story, which Ma taught me.  He knew right away it's either marry me or the highway.  An' wit me, he figur' it could happen.  Bein' so nuts ova me, ain' no way he was gonna walk.

So, we go down to city hall an' get hitched.  Nothin' fancy, you understan' but he ain' a fancy kinda guy, only fer his poisonal self.  Me, I know I got a father fer my kid, so I'm not makin' any waves.  It's a done deal-as good as it's gonna get. I knew that.  Right away we set up house keepin' in a small apartment which by the time the kid is born is too small.  Stan's makin' out pretty good with the P.I stuff an' it ain' long before we buy a small bungalow type house an' settle in.  It could happen.

I see right away Stan's basically a nice type guy, but he got an eye fer broads.  Whaddaya gonna do?  Men, they gotta chase afta skirts, an' Stan's at the head a the line.  Me?  I'm so busy takin' care a my kid, Rudy, I don' have time ta worry.  Not only that, I'm already havin' another.  This one's his though.  I don' have time to play aroun' wit any other dudes.  'Sides which, I learned to really love the guy.  Go figure.  He's a push-ova.  Treats me good an neva lays a hand on me.  It could happen.  I can tell when he's in'erested in a new face.  Tha's when he blows a bundle,  buying me somethin' new, an' sendin' me ta the movie show.  I got him figure out good.  Know what I mean?

I begin ta see the picture on the wall.  I know it's only a matter a time before some bimbo hooks up wit my meal ticket.  So, slowly I start stashin' money away, in case I become down-sized.  Like I been thinkin' afta two kids the figure's the foist ta go, then the face, then me.  It could happen.  I begin makin' plans a my own jus' in case.  Know what I mean?

But it don' happen so quick.  Vinnie's my stool pigeon, keepin' tabs on Stan 'cause he owes me big time.  Didn' ever let him ferget about the kid.  He's always worried Stan will fin' out, an' he don' wan' another glass eye ta match the foist one.  It could happen.  But my Stan don' know that Vinnie his best friend is my snitch.  An' he's neva gonna fin' that out from me.

So, Vinnie keeps me inform', tellin' me Stan's the laughing stock at the Pub.  Every chick he chases don' turn out too good.  I'm still sittin' pretty, an' waitin' fer the shoe ta drop, preparin' fer his nex' move.  Meanwhile my stash is growin' and Stan ain' push me outta the front door yet.  I'm also beginnin' ta see alotta Vinnie.  I know he has the hots fer me, an' I preten' not ta notice.  I know which of his buttons ta push, keepin' him in'erested.  Ya gotta a problem wit that?

One day Vinnie comes ova an' starts ta make some fast moves on me.  He tries ta put his arms aroun' my waist an' plant a juicy one right on my kissa.  Know what I mean?  I try shovin' him away, but it ain' woikin'.  I'm real mad at him by this time takin' advantage a me, when I ain' give him the time a day.  He's stronger than me from workin' outta Stillman's gym an' we win' up fallin' on the floor.  I'm so busy pushin' his hands offa me, we didn' hear the front door open, till we both see Stan's fat feet right nex'ta our heads on the floor.

"Ah-ha!" my jerk of ova husband lets outta roar.  "What's goin' down in my house when I ain' lookin', you glass-eyed bum.  Ain'cha got any respec'?  Ya messin' wit my ol' lady behind my back in my house.  Hey!  I'm Stan-the-Man.  I'm suppos'ta be your bes' friend.  I ain' ferget ya still owe me from Ellie yet.  What kinda deal is this?  There ain' enough broads in your pizza parlor ta play aroun' wit?  Ya gotta go afta the mother a my two kids?

"An Tessa, whatcha go an' let him lay his hands on ya?  Don' I take care a ya good?  This is how ya show me respec'?  Ain' I been a good husband an' never lay a hand on ya?  I buy ya fancy clothes an' give ya spendin' money ta go ta the show?  What's this guy givin' which I ain'?  Ain' I got enough trouble from all the two-timin' broads at the Pub?  Can' believe my own wife is shaftin' me big time an' wit my bes' friend Vinnie.  Ya chicks are all tha same. "   Whaddaya gonna do?

I try ta tell him I had nuttin' ta do wit what he thought he saw.  But I knew he wouldn' believe Vinnie an' me weren' makin' out on the floor.  It could happen.  I knew the timin' was right fer me ta move on.  Hell, I had enough money stashed away ta gimme a good life.  Ya gotta problem wit that?

So, the nex' mornin' when Stan leaves fer the Pub, I quickly begin ta pack up the kids.  But he surprises me when I hear his key in the lock.  I try pretendin' that nuttin' much is goin' down, but he sees the suitcases.  Pointin' his finger at me real good he says, "Now where do ya think ya goin'?  You ain' goin' nowhere witout me.  I fool aroun' a little, but whaddaya gonna do? I'm a hot-blooded guy.  I don' care nuthin' about any a the broads I play around wit.  I always come ta you an' the kids, don' I?"

Felt like my Ma was givin' me another lump on the head wit her fist, tha's how much he surprise me.  My Stan-the-Man beggin'.  I give him a evil eye look, like Ma taught me, an' it woiked.  He come ova an' puts his arms aroun' me which is the foist time he done that since we got hitched.  He plants one right on the mouth an' he ain' done that since gettin' the license downtown.  This is not the way I figure fer it ta woik out.  Know what I mean?

Reachin' inta his pockets he han's me a velvet box.  It could happen.  Inside was the biggest diamon' ring which I ever seen.  It look like Plymouth Rock, that pilgrim thin'.  I see a picture of it onc't.  Ya gotta problem wit that?

"Put it on Tessa.  Ya earn it.  Hey, ya been a good wife.  Ya don' wanna run off wit Vinne, makin' me the jerk a the neighborhood.  The guys at the Pub will die laughin' if my own wife dumps me.  Ya don' wanna do that!  I don' wancha ta go."

He sounded convincin', but I knew betta an' didn't believe a woid a it.  But I figure ta let him suffer a little more, 'cause I know I don' have to go nowhere now.  I got him good.  It could happen.

So, he puts the ring on my finger which is blindin' me cause it's  big as a search light.  Like I tol' ya, I never seen nuthin' so humongous in my life.  Now the way I figure, seein' what he thought he saw, he couldda give me a rap in the mouth thinkin' that his bes' frien' Vinnie an' me was makin' out on the floor.  It could happen.  But go figure guys.  Ya gotta problem wit that?

Funny how it all woiks out when ya don' leave the barn door open, jus' like Ma tol' me.  I got somethin' ta hold ova Stan's head, insurin' my future.

Now Vinnies' worryin' Stan will fin' out about Little Rudy an' give him another glass eye ta match the foist.  Stan's worryin' about the guys at the Pub findin' out about me an' Vinnie.  An' me...I ain' worryin' about nuttin' no more.  Hey, my clock is tickin' an' I ain' gonna be a beauty forever, but I plan it out pretty good.  I gotta ring, a house, a new car which I ferget ta mention, a Pizzeria which Stan gimme when I tell him about Vinnie's stash, a couple a kids,  an' a bundle a dough.

I got Vinne-the-Vonce hangin' aroun' on the side, waitin' an' hopin' that maybe some day him an' me can maybe run off ta Mexico.  Not bad fer a chick from the Five an' Dimer which shafted two guys what thought they was gonna stick it ta her.  But I show 'em good that I didn' come down wit yesterday's rain.  Hey, it could happen, an' it did fer me.

Ya gotta problem wit that?